All or Nothing Mentality:

All or Nothing Mentality:

By Stephanie Mwandishi Gadlin
(StephGadlin@yahoo.com)

original article-August 23, 2006

I want to ask you all a sincere and honest question that isn’t
rhetorical or rigged with innuendo. And I’ll apologize for this
energy.but, Here goes: Why (overall) are our people SO complacent,
SO negative, SO non-energetic and ALWAYS willing to criticize, attack
and challenge any effort to make positive social change in one’s
community. Why can’t we collectively or block by block identify
issues, work on solving them, implement programs, be creative in our
approach, stay focused and dedicated to the tasks at hand.

I don’t believe this is a crab in the barrel syndrome it is something
much deeper and much more calculated. But what is it? Help me put a
finger on this.

I am convinced that many of our people would rather have ALL of
nothing than be a part of a LITTLE of something.  Some would rather
have ALL of the pain and the problems rather than be involved in
easing some of the pain; solving SOME of the problems, day by day,
walk by walk.  Its like the gang banger who is holding down a block
that he does not even own. His power is a false but brutal power.

I have experienced incidents where a certain well known “leader” is
criticized for not being in the `hood or not being accessible to
the `grassroots.’ They said he was flying all over the globe and
would never set foot in the `hood.’ Then when you say okay, how about
I solve that problem and bring the leader to the hood, bring the
leader with RESOURCES to the hood, the leader is attacked for doing
what..COMING TO THE HOOD!??? “What the hell are you doing out here,”
or “Go back to the so an  so!” “You’re just running a bunch of B.S.”
or “You’re trying to pimp the people.”

On the flip side here in Chicago many of the resources for our
oppressed neighborhoods are restricted and held up by Negro “power
blockers.” They play this class game and this popularity game where
if an Upperclass Negro declares `you’re in” then you’re inbut if you
don’t come the “right way” (That means kiss a whole lot of bougie
Black behind) then you’re out and they will block everything you do.
They elevate and celebrate and reward themselves at their benefits,
luncheons and parties and talk about how they `overcame’ while in the
meantime they do NOTHING, nadda, not-a-thing, to assist and aide in
lifting the economic tensions and oppression of the majority of
people in the communitywhom they claim to represent. This group
likes to talk about how much consumer spending Black folk have; and
then they build their businesses off the selling of this information.

So grassroots, everyday people have no access to their own media;
their own (big) businesses; their own politicians; and the things
they really sacrificed to obtain. Is this what Dr. King died for?
What about El-Hajj Malik Shabazz (Malcolm X)? So when Marcus Garvey
was talking “do for self” is this what he really meant?

The Upperlcass Negroes where I live said nothing as the people in the

projects were run out of their homes. In fact the encouraged the
tearing down of these slums; yet, demanded not a plan for re-location
for the people. Since their homes are paid for, they said nothing
about gentrification of neighborhoods. They don’t care that the
biggest Black paper in town is a racist rag called the Sun-Times.
They are applauding the city’s only Black owned radio station cutting
a suspect deal with Clear Channel. Because they eat everyday, they
say nothing about the lack of grocery stores and clinics and health
resources for the poor. Since they don’t eat gyros and polishes, they
don’t care about closing their restaurants and allowing the Koreans
and Arabs to feed our people.

Okay, I know some of us suffer from `mentacide,’ and I am fully aware
that there are operatives, paid and rewarded, to keep confusion and
inactivity brewing in many of our urban communities. I understand
COINTELPRO, but why do we continue to fall victim to it. Poverty is
good business for a whole lot of people, right?

So I vent out of frustration. I know the answer is to struggle
forward. But I must pause and ask these questions. Is anyone feeling
me out there? Are there any answers? Is there no fight left?

Stephanie

Return to Davey D’s Hip Hop Corner

Two Females Perspectives on the Movie ‘Crash’

Crashing the Black Female Image
By Stephanie Mwandishi Gadlin
(StephGadlin@yahoo.com)

original article-August 23, 2006

While much ado is being made about Crash winning the Best Picture
award at the recent Oscars, Black women shouldn’t be so quick to
cheer a film that in the end winds up reinforcing many of Hollywood
stereotypes we have fought against over the last few decades.

It is well-documented that the female image in U.S. entertainment
culture routinely depicts Black women in the following ways

     *     As poorly educated, unmarried
     *     As sexually repressed or obsessive
     *     As routinely hostile to Black men and boys
     *     As tragically mulatto (light skin); racially confused
     *     As an over-religious mammy more concerned for the welfare of whites than her own children
     *     And, as overweight, comedic and/or obsessed with “finding a man.”

Upon further look Crash reinforces the notions about Black women as
emasculating, helpless, sexualized victims while at the same time
works to soften and then rationalize anti-Black, racist behavior of
the whites depicted in the film.

We are introduced to the first Black female character through the
light-skin, Brit-born actress Thandie Newton who is incidentally
performing a sex act on her director-husband  [played by Terrence
Howard
] as he drives home.

Following a questionable traffic stop, we are soon face-to-face with
an out-of-control Newton–whom we are constantly reminded is
intoxicated–who while pleading helplessly with her terrified husband
is sexually assaulted by a racist police officer, while his seemingly
non-racist partner stands ideally by.  Her husband, the Black man,
cannot save her, and will not save her, least he wind up in jail or
dead. To the viewer we are left to wonder if he is a coward or a hero
who chooses his battles wisely.

Later, Newton launches into a tirade about her husband’s lack of
masculinity, lack of blackness and lack of courage. Howard does his
best to defend himself, but unwilling or unable to go toe to toe with
his wife’s fervor, winds up internalizing his rage. “Its all your
fault,” he reminds her over and over again. The wife screams, shouts
and threatens to report the officer, played by Matt Dillon, to his
higher ups in the police department, but doesn’t.

Howard’s character, along with one portrayed by veteran actor Keith
David,
represent Black men who would rather sacrifice their self
dignity than their careers. Neither of them are willing to take on
the white power structure for the sake of pursued justice. They are
neither noble or honorable. They are empowered, powerless victims who
understand ‘their place’ in a society dominated by white men.

We last encounter an emotionally impacted Newton upside down in her
car during a traffic accident. With life-staking moments  ticking
away, to her horror, she comes face to face with her would-be hero,
the same white cop who just hours before sexually assaulted her. In
this twisted paradox, a noble, yet ‘they made me racist” Dillon
rescues Newton and she collapses thankful, grateful, tragic, into his
strong and masculine arms. She stares almost lovingly into his eyes
as she is ushered away from the crash–perhaps thankful that she
didn’t report him to his superiors after all. And so are we.

Though it is subtly implied, we never see Newton’s character
reconcile with her own husband. Instead, we are left breathing sighs
of thanks that this white man, could put away his racist leanings to
do his job. After all, we have since found out that Dillon’s
character is only a racist because his ailing father was forced out
of a job and better health benefits because of affirmative action. We
empathize with him as we see Shaniqua, the African American HMO
official, unapologetically deny his claim.

Dillon’s character’s racism is a byproduct of society’s cruel turn of
events that place Black people in positions of authority.  His
mental illness isn’t to blame, its “Shaniqua” fault. Its all of those
Blacks who put good white folk out of their jobs, because of
affirmative action, who make him behave this way. We see Dillon’s
character tortured by his father’s condition as he help’s his dad on
and off the toilet. We should empathize with him, not pity him, and
further understand that his racism is not of his own making.

The third Black woman (played by Beverly Todd) is not suprisingly
depicted in the film is a drug-addicted, incoherent mother of a
indifferent police detective, played by Don Cheadle, and a likeable
thief, portrayed by Larenz Tate. We are introduced to her through her
environment, a garbage strewn apartment. She sits near comatose on
her balcony wondering when her youngest son will come home.

There is no back story about this family for us to empathize with. We
do not know if this woman is married or widowed. We don’t know what
drove her to drug addiction. We do not know if her sons are the
product of one union or two, one-night stands. This mother’s wounds
are self-inflicted and so her problems all stem from her own poor
choices. There is no explanation or excuses, she is what she is–
a “crack head,” single mother, battling her addiction alone. She has
no food in the refrigerator because put the groceries in her arm or
her pipe. Her passive, brown eyes tell us its not her fault, but the
verdict is still out.

A fourth Black woman, portrayed by Nona Gaye, might as well have been
invisible. Her character had no point, no focus, no direction and no
purpose–unless of course it was to illustrate how professional Black
women will stand by their (WHITE) men no matter what–even if it
means exploiting, entrapping and disrespecting her own Black men.

Crash tells us that mother actually loves the criminal son (Tate)
more than the one who has seemingly taken a route of responsibility,
education and career advancement (Cheadle). We do not understand why
this tragic mother would embrace her two-strikes, car-jacking son
over her more responsible one. Is this a subliminal suggestion that
Black mothers or people, in general, are more accepting of criminal
behaviors? We never find out why.

Throughout the film we are reminded that Crash’s white characters are
flawed and racist only because society drives them to be this way
(affirmative action, reverse discrimination, rampant crime, etc.);
while the Black characters seemingly suffer because of internal
wounds (drug addiction, poor choices, criminal behavior, etc.)–not
institutional racism. The only one who speaks for them and attempts
to explain why these characters engage in antisocial behavior is
another white man, a public relations hack hired by the District
Attorney. Even his explanation of poor schools, lack of opportunity,
and police misconduct is dismissed as being nothing more than
cultural whining.

Black people suffer because of self-inflicted wounds–remember. White
institutional racism is just a misunderstanding, remember.

When Tate’s character and the one portrayed by Atlanta-based rapper
Ludacris, attempts to justify their poor life choices, the audience
is left laughing at their self-examination. These two are comedic
relief. It is funny that one of these men find conspiracies in white
society. It is funny that they choose to only rob white people. It is
amusing that they seem remotely intelligent. It is funny when
(Ludacris) comes across another victim and it turns out to be a Black
man (Howard). We laugh when he is disarmed, chastised and then given
his weapon back.

None of these Black people in the film are really all that redeemed–
despite Crash’s poor attempt to show some sense of morality. Dillon’s
character, however, is immediately redeemed by his heroic act; the
suburbanite (Sandra Bullock) finds herself redeemed by recognizing
the humanity and friendship of her Latino housekeeper; and a
supposedly non racist cop (Ryan Phillip) who winds up killing one of
the carjackers, is excused all together because it appears almost
justified. All of the whites in Crash are really good people who are
just victims of circumstance.

The Blacks, Latinos, Asians and Middle Eastern people depicted in
Crash are all guilty of their poor choices, society’s stereotypes,
cross-cultural miscommunication and their own cowardice. We shake our
head at the Asian human trafficker but not at European who seeks to
buy slaves. Complete with American flags waving in the background,
our patriotism is subtly reinforced throughout the sequence of events
featuring the Latino locksmith and the Persian storeowner.

I must admit that I raised these questions after initially giving the
film great reviews. This is a good movie. It is the best example of
propaganda film in some time. Crash does what all good Hollywood
films should do, it evoked emotion, thought, and reflection. It
entertained. It forces us to transfer real human emotion to contrived
and a set unrealistic events in order to authenticate its hidden
message.

We passively accept the racist reinforcement of Crash while at the
same time believe we are rejecting it.

Given the backdrop of Crash’s Academy Award win on the same night
this same the group also awarded Three 6 Mafia’s “Its Hard Out Here
for a Pimp,” as song of the year, I had to take another look.  How
could “the Academy” reject Howard’s performance in one of the
most ‘thought provoking’ films of the year; yet, nominate him for his
portrayal of a pimp suffering from a midlife crisis?

Had I been duped into believing that an industry that has so rife
with depicting Black people as more criminal, more violent, more
ignorant than we are could suddenly change its stripes? Had I been
pacified by the Oscars given to Halle Berry, Denzel Washington,
Morgan Freeman and Jamie Foxx?

People responded to Crash,  and rightly so–it pushes psychological
buttons. Its vivid imagery makes you ignore the generalities and
tricks you into thinking you are rejecting basic stereotypes rather
than reinforcing them.

I know people will read this and take me to task. “This was a good
movie,” someone will shout.  “This was an excellent film,” others
will say. “You have too much time on your hands,” another might
retort. “It was only a movie.”

For those comments and others I am reminded of the African
proverb: “beware of the naked man who offers you his shirt.”

Thank you for reading my words,
Stephanie in the City of Wind

======================================

Here’s a Compelling Response to this article:
 
I’m directing this one at my namesake Ms. Gadlin…albeit a bit late because you all can be pretty prolific with your daily posts and it’s taken me a minute to catch up.  🙂
 
Stephanie, I do thank you for your insights on the film and you have given me some food for thought on how the project can be perceived by others whose views may differ slightly from my own. I loved the film and still do, though I am now prompted to rent it and watch it again more critically after reading your post.
 
I had the pleasure of seeing “Crash” a week before its official release at the Denver Pan African Film Festival. One of the reasons I may view some of your points differently is because I had the added benefit of seeing the film with executive producer Don Cheadle in the audience, who conducted a Q&A session afterwards.  “White Hollywood” was not viewing this film as a propaganda machine. As a matter of fact, it was only through the involvement of Cheadle, fresh off of his Oscar nom for “Hotel Rwanda,” that the film ever made it to the big screen. Because of the inflammatory nature of the stereotypes depicted in the film and the various subject matter, it was exceedingly difficult for them to get the film made at all. Every one of those actors worked for Union scale, rather than their usual potential paydays, because they believed in the ideas set forth in that script. It was an ensemble piece in every sense of the word.
 
What I appreciated about the film is that no one was “let off of the hook” when it came to their beliefs and actions. One could certainly argue, as you have, that Terrence Howard’s character was not redeemed in the end. But to me, that was necessary and the point. Many of the people (of all races) who take a righteous road in Hollywood do not work often or again, period. Doesn’t make it right, but it’s reality. [Think about all of the drama that the Dixie Chicks have gone through from criticizing GWB] Like the film’s carjackers, we can all probably sing sad songs about intelligent hoodlums we’ve known and loved, brothers who could hold down a “real job” but don’t, for any number of reasons…and then wind up in jail or dead. Likeable, loveable men who did what they felt they had to do, for better or worse. Redemption is truly in the eye of the beholder.
 
But the essence of the message in “Crash” was cause and effect. We make choices every day to say and do certain things based on our experiences and circumstances. And we should be mindful that not everyone sees and reacts in the way that we would to these same stimuli. Ultimately, we are ALL responsible for the choices we make and the ripple effect that they create in our lives and those around us. Though I may not agree with how certain things played out in the film, I do appreciate that I was presented with a film that made me think and feel in the first place, unlike much of the product that is put out by others in the industry. No offense…but I’ll take CRASH over THE COOKOUT and SOUL PLANE every single time.
 
Respectfully,

Spike Lee’s Words of Wisdom and Food for Thought

The following is an excerpt form a much longer interview with director Spike Lee.. Its food for thought…
http://www.nymag.com/movies/profiles/19144/index.html

original article-August 20, 2006

Spike Lee says the following:

spikelee‘What was discouraging to me was, some people it was like a revelation: I never knew we had poor people in this country, before Katrina. I think the United States government has done a very good job of covering up the poor so unless you really, really You might see a homeless person, you know, on the street, but you can avoid it. You can bypass a lot of stuff, says Lee, twisting the diamond stud in his ear. He speaks slowly, deliberately, like a professor or a certain kind of pot smoker. Its a dispensation, not a discussion; he does not look you in the eye.

Katrina pulled that away, all that cover, left it bare like a raw, exposed nerve, he says, and starts to pick up a little steam. And I dont think we should try to slide it under the rug and act like it doesnt exist. And I dont think were ever going to get to the place where this country can I dont think well ever achieve our true greatness.

He is silent for a second and stares into space and then…

‘We’ve still not dealt with slavery!’  His words come in a rush.

‘Black, African-American, and white Americans, we still have not dealt with slavery! When kids are in school and theyre learning about motherfucking George Washington, say the motherfucker owned slaves!’

 He is still sitting but bouncing, vibrating on the balls of his bright- yellow, brand-new Nikes.

‘Say what Christopher Columbus did! Kids are still learning in-1492-he-sailed-the-ocean-blue bullshit. George Washington could never tell the truth; he did chop down that motherfucking cherry tree. All right. Get rid of that shit and say he owned slaves. Say the first president of the United States owned slaves! Lets stop with the lies. Lets talk about the genocide of the Native Americans! All right, if you dont want to talk about black and white, all right, lets leave that aside. Lets talk about the blankets with smallpox that were given to Native Americans. Lets talk about the landgrab. I want to make a movie about Custer. I want to show Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull kicking ass!’

Return to Davey D’s Hip Hop Corner

X-Clan Member Encourages All to Boycott 9-11 Movie

dbanner1newparis

BOYCOTT THIS MOVIE!!! EMAIL THIS TO YOUR ENTIRE LIST:

It’s so natural for hollywood to assume that every Hero is a White man.

by DJ Paradise Gray

original movie-August 16 2006

Hollywood has always changed facts and edited history. From Charlton Heston
as Moses and Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra. They are only continuing their
tradition of White-washing our history. If they were able to portray Imhotep
(The Mummy and The Mummy Returns who was one of the greatest black Heroes of
all times and Jesus Christ as white without a single peep from our
community, why should this even matter to them in the least?

Situations like this will continue and we as Black people (or whatever you
want to consider yourself) will deserve what we get, unless we are willing
to stand up against tyranny and white supremacy.

Demand that this movie be taken out of theatures. Boycott this movie like
they attempted to boycott “Barbershop” show some community outrage like they
did for the poster of 50’s Get Rich Or Die trying. Cause the national media
to pick up this story.

Do something for a change. (Yes I’m talking to you!).

Paradise Gray
http://www.myspace.com/paradisegray
(Please forward to everyone on your email list, as the national press has
not or will not pick up this story)

Full story in The New Pittsburgh Courier
http://newpittsburghcourieronline.com/articlelive/articles/35730/1/World-Trade-Center-omits-Black-soldier/WTC-movies-unsung-hero.html

‘World Trade Center’ omits Black Soldier

Following disasters of historically epic proportions like the attack on the
World Trade Center, there are bound to be countless tales of self-sacrifice,
heroism and triumph. Some stories, like those told in the movies Flight 93
and Oliver Stone’s World Trade Center, premiering Aug. 9, are made into
blockbusters for the world to see. Others are either whispered quietly among
family and friends or confined to the memories and souls of those who refuse
to speak of them.

Such is the tale of United States Marine Corps Sgt. Jason L. Thomas–in
spite of the fact that his story and the one told in World Trade Center are
one in the same.

THE STORY

The morning of Sept. 11, 2001 began like any other for Jason L. Thomas. A
student at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice of City University of
New York, he heard about the attack after taking his daughter to his
mother’s house in Queens so he could attend classes.

At the time I was saying to myself, That’s an attack. My mother looked at it
as if it was an accident, but one of the first things that came to my mind
was, They got us, he said.

Immediately after that, I just got in high gear. I had my uniform in my car,
my C-Bag. We just moved into a house, so I had a lot of my personal
equipment in my vehicle. I ran out to my car, got my uniform, got dressed
and shot to the city.

After a delay in Queens, which Thomas credits for keeping him away from the
collapse of the South Tower, he attached himself to a police convoy and made
it to the site within moments of the fall of the North Tower.

Approaching one of the towers, all I see is one at the time, I see the
building come crashing down. It just comes straight down. I park my vehicle
and I remember this cloud of smoke and ash just enveloped where I was. I
stuck my head down in my shirt and scooted behind my car and got on my
knees, but it engulfed the area. So I got up and I just ran in the direction
towards Ground Zero.

At Ground Zero, Thomas immediately began to help by fighting fires,
establishing triage sites to help the injured and assisting with the overall
evacuation. While his primary focus was devoted to the emergency, he
couldn’t help being affected by what had become of his city.

I know this beautiful city, and now here it is, it’s just rubble,  he said.
There are fire engines on fire, and you don’t see that everyday–you don’t
see cars and ambulances on fire. I was just trying to take it in.

After hours of firefighting, assisting survivors and in some cases, praying
over the dead, Thomas ran into another marine, Staff Sgt. Dave Karnes.
Thomas presented a plan for a search and rescue mission of the area and he
and Karnes tried to enlist other soldiers on site to help. When they were
told the mission was too dangerous, they decided to go by themselves.

I found a couple guys, but it wasn’t enough, to them, to start a search and
rescue, he said. I remember myself and staff Sgt. Karnes saying, We’re going
to start the search and rescue with or without you, because someone needs
us.

THE MOVIE

The World Trade Center movie tells the story of the rescues of New York Port
Authority police officers John McLoughlin and Will Jimeno from Ground Zero,
as well as that of the men who rescued them. In real life, the officers were
rescued by sergeants Karnes and Thomas. In the film, however, they were
rescued by Karnes and PFC Dave Thomas; a composite character, played by
William Mapother, a white actor, who is meant to represent Thomas.

World Trade Center producer Michael Shamberg said that they knew about Sgt.
Thomas’s role in the rescue, but were unable to find him when creating the
film. He said producers didn’t discover Thomas was a Black man until after
they had started the movie. He also said that in spite of the fact that the
film was co-written by McLoughlin and Jimeno was consulted for authenticity,
no one ever asked them for a physical description of the man who helped save
their lives.

Frankly, we goofed–we learned when we were filming that he was an
African-American, said Shamberg.  We would change it if we could. I actually
called him and apologized, and he said he didn’t mind. He was very gracious
about it.

Shamberg also apologized for another African-American officer, Bruce
Reynolds, who was also portrayed as white in the movie.

Thomas, meanwhile, didn’t learn the film was about his story until he saw
the unmistakable image of two marines peering into a whole at Ground Zero
during a commercial for the movie. He said that while he wasn’t angry about
how the film turned out, he does wish it could have been more realistic.

Full story in The New Pittsburgh Courier
http://newpittsburghcourieronline.com/articlelive/articles/35730/1/World-Trade-Center-omits-Black-soldier/WTC-movies-unsung-hero.html

———————————————————————————————–
Paradise Gray
Honorary Chairman, Pittsburgh LOC
National Political Hip-hop Convention
Grand Arkitech Of The BlackWatch Movement
Minister Of Arts And Sciences Millions More Movement
Director Of Almost Home Youth Ministries
One Hood
Http://www.myspace.com/paradisegray

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For Women-Top 10 Reasons Men Don’t Call

dbanner1newparis
For Women-Top 10 Reasons Men Don’t Call

Why He Won’t Call

By Darryl James of Eur Report

original article-Aug 08, 2006

Women are always asking me what men are thinking.

One of the most frequent questions that come up on the subject of dating is: “Why wont he call?”
The answer is not simple, because contrary to what some women may believe, all men dont think the same way.

Some of us have good intentions, some have bad intentions and some of us just get caught up with this thing called life.

In another Black Top Ten List, Id like to present a few possible reasons why men dont call women or dont call women back after interest has been expressed.
 

 

Top Ten Reasons Why He Wont Call:
1. He thought things over and decided that there just wasnt enough between the two of you.

Maybe you only shared one phone conversation. Perhaps you only went out one time and there was no chemistry. Women do the same thingsometimes its just not worth the energy required to explain something to someone you dont plan on seeing again.

2. He thought about something you said and decided that you and he think too divergently.

If you had a conversation about politics, religion or some other hot button topic that just didnt go well, perhaps he has decided that he doesnt want more of the same.

3 Hes a little shy and is trying to figure out what to say.

Some women question a mans manhood if he is shy, but the reality is that some of us are, and sometimes, we have trouble finding the right thing to say, or finding something to say at what you consider the right time.

 

4. He has a wife or girlfriend and got caught with your number.
5. He has a wife or girlfriend and decided not to cheat on her.

6. He met someone else and decided to give his focus to her.

This doesnt mean that he is a dog for dating more than one woman. It simply means that he was getting to know more than one woman and decided to narrow the field. You just werent included in the narrowed field.

7. Something in his life changed which has nothing to do with you.

Were all human. Sometimes, things come up in our lives that take us away from socializing at all.

8. He has been too busy and hasnt gotten around to calling you.

Maybe your idea of how soon he should call is different from his idea. If you think he has taken too long and your phone isnt broken, perhaps you should call him.

9. You spent most of the time on the first date or on the phone telling him how horrible men are, especially the men you have dated in your past.

You may have said that there are no good men available, but even if he is a good man, the statement is a turnoff. For example, we dont want to hear about how all men are dogs, or about “most” Black men being with white women or on the down low, or how “most” men are not on your level. If he isnt like the horrible men youve talked about, he probably has no desire to convince you that good men really exist.

10. He was looking for someone to share his life with, but you demonstrated that you dont share much, especially the expenses when you were going out.

Whether you tell a man that you are an “Independent Woman,” or an “Old Fashioned Woman,” its just not cool to refuse to share when you are dating. It can get tiresome, boring and stupid when a man has to wine and dine, entertain, chauffeur and shower a woman with gifts without reciprocity. No one has come up with a good reason why the man has to pay for everythingwe like to be treated nice, too.

Just as you want men who love and respect women, we are looking for women who love and respect men. We want someone who listens, shares, views us with hope and who demonstrates character.
Some women love to tell men the reasons why we exhibit a certain behavior. Many times, those reasons are wrong and the women touting those lies have no desire to get the real information.

Ladies, some of us are open and honest. Ask a question and you may actually get an answereven if its an answer you dont want or wont like.

The reason why we dont call or call back is not always about what you think it is.

At the end of the day, you have to decide if you like him or not. If you do, perhaps you should make certain that you also have his number so that you can call him. If you dont, then you should stop worrying about why he doesnt call.

Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. His first mini-movie, “Crack,” was released in March of this year. James latest book, “Bridging The Black Gender Gap,” is the basis of his lectures and seminars. Previous installments of this column can now be viewed at www.bridgecolumn.com. James can be reached at djames@theblackgendergap.com.