A few thoughts on this situation with Atlanta-based Mega Church prosperity preacher Creflo Dollar and him being accused of choking and beating his 15-year-old daughter with a shoe because she wanted to go to a party.. Far too much of the conversation has been around romanticized days when we came up and were spanked by our parents for doing wrong and getting sassy..
Almost all of us, including myself have some sort of tale we tell our friends to animated laughter about the some memorable whupping of whuppings we got with a storyline about how we were made to 1-Get our own switch, shoe or belt 2-How our next door neighbors would beat our butts for getting out of line and then our parents would follow suit 3-How our parents didn’t believe in time out..The only time out we got was when our parents took ‘time out‘ in the middle of whupping our butts..
We’ve heard all these stories and many more via Black comedy routines, where Black parents spanking their kids is staple fodder. The underlying implication is that Black parents whupping their kids is a far superior method to white parents who do the time out routine and allow their kids to talk back..
While such ‘tough love’ stories and comedy routines may be good for a few laughs the fact remains that we have jail cells filled with young men and women who got spankings.. We have many in our community who have been victims of some sort of horrific crime by those who had more than their fair share of parents administering butt whuppings..Obviously something is not working. Spankings in lieu of other crucial aspects of parenting is just plain lazy.. Eventually kids learn how to take beatings and may wind up being detached and totally unfeeling when administering them or putting forth other forms of abuse.
Sadly a good ole fashion whupping especially when they are made public can have unintended consequences.. Y’all recall the saga of 16-year-old New Orleans teen Michael Taylor? A year or so ago he was shown on video being spanked by his enraged Uncle who wanted to keep him out of gangs.. Many said what the Uncle did was right, however it didn’t stop the young brother from glorifying the gang lifestyle.. He was tragically killed a year after that infamous spanking.. In the clip below the Uncle sums up what he feels was really needed at the end of the day.. Time, not Whuppings.
In thinking about the Creflo Dollar situation, from what we’re told he didn’t just whup her butt which is problematic in itself, but he’s accused of choking his daughter and beating her with a shoe. That sounds like some serious domestic violence, not a loving parent trying to guide his daughter..
The folks over at one of my favorite sites Crunk Feminist provide an excellent breakdown of this Creflo Dollar scenario where they note the large amount of female support amongst his parishioners. They describe it as Chris Brown and Ri Ri 2.0... Please check out this insightful article: 7 Truths We Need to Tell About Creflo Dollar, Black Daughters and Violence.. Here’s 2 of them:
4.) Domestic violence is not discipline. And this was domestic violence. And I find it hard to believe that a man who will beat the shit out of his own daughter, who feels biblically justified in doing so, wouldn’t beat the shit out of her mother, too. Not levying any accusations here, but I think it’s a question worth raising. Read this Black girl’s testimony and see how true it rings.
5.) Just because your parents whooped you, and you “turned out fine,” doesn’t mean the whoopings are the cause of it. Black folks are overcomers by copious circumstance. But that doesn’t mean we have to keep recreating negative circumstances for our children and calling them right and good. I had a racist sixth grade teacher who made me cry every day. I still made excellent grades and remained undeterred. If I have children, I will not seek out a racist teacher for them, celebrate their ability to excel despite it, and then claim that they excelled because of it. That is pathological.